


ginny weasley & after the war

by jay_spacebi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29851611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jay_spacebi/pseuds/jay_spacebi
Summary: oneshot ab ginny after the war and coping with fred's death.tw for suicide and self harm
Relationships: Arthur Weasley & Ginny Weasley, Bill Weasley & Ginny Weasley, Charlie Weasley & Ginny Weasley, George Weasley & Ginny Weasley, Ginny Weasley & Molly Weasley, Ginny Weasley & Ron Weasley
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	ginny weasley & after the war

it would be easy enough.

she’d gotten close the last time she’d done it, but she just hadn’t gone far enough to end it.

she didn’t know if it was herself, forcing her to refrain from ending everything, or if it was just sheer ‘luck’.

could she even call it luck anymore?

was it lucky, lucky that george’s hair was blue? that he slept on the couch every night? that he had smashed all the mirrors in his room? that the windows were blacked out so he can’t see his reflection? that every time he saw ginny he seems to flinch, and ignore her?

lucky that ron’s temper was getting worse? that he had been trying to act okay in front of everyone but ginny heard him crying? that he sleeps less than ginny? that he can’t make eye contact with george? that the photos in his room are all face down? that he rarely sees his girlfriend or best friend?

lucky that bill won’t stop allowing the haircuts? ginny knows how much he hates them. lucky that she can hear him and flur talking late into the night? that she hears his name through the thin walls?

lucky that she’s seen percy cry more in less than a year than in 17 years? that he can’t talk to anyone without tearing up? that he apologizes over and over for nothing? that she knows he blames himself, but no one else does?

lucky that charlie can’t go back to romania? that he’s pacing the garden countless times? that he’s the only one that ginny can even try and help? he lets her. he’s the only one. lucky that she sees him running his hands over his scars from dragons and the war, not knowing what scar is from anymore?

lucky, that her father has barely mentioned muggles for over six months? that he’s been acting like a 'normal’ parent-not tinkering, not experimenting-nothing. lucky that he’s trying to cook? lucky that he’s not himself anymore?

lucky that her mother starts crying at the smallest thing, but it seems that it’s almost always ginny or george? when she sees george, or when ginny sets her jaw to stop tears from spilling out, when she sees them together, silent? lucky that she’s spent hours staring at the clock on the wall, his spoon having fallen off months ago?

it is lucky that ginny had been in denial for six months? that even at his funeral, she was expecting him to jump from some unseen corner, wrapping her in his arms as she hugged him, holding him tight.

god…what she would give to hug him again.

she had told him everything, tests, the nightmares from the diary, boy troubles, GIRL troubles, how much she loved her friend, and yet-he was the only one who knew, and the only one who couldn’t see them together.

because she had been scared.

she was even more scared now, than she was fifteen months ago, holding luna tight as the castle shuddered from the cold, she had never told him when she kissed her, and it was one of ginny’s biggest regrets.

“you tell me when she kisses you ginny wealsey. you tell me, got that?”

“freddie! of course i’ll tell you! your my favorite brother! why would i not?”

now, the memory crashing back, his face, his smile, the way he set his jaw when he was upset-the way SHE would set her jaw when she was upset.

the way he snuck out with her to teach her how to ride a broom, and they spent hours talking about the stars, she can’t even do this with luna anymore.

the two people she loves to talk about the stars with, she can’t because when she’s laying with luna all she can think about is him.

and she hates it.

she hates waking up, her cheeks and pillow wet from crying herself to sleep.

she hates rewriting her letters over and over and over and over again, trying to write one without tear stains.

she hates not waking up to him and george causing some form of chaos above her.

she hates him for leaving her.

she wants nothing more than to be with him again.

she knows george would trade his life for fred’s, but she knows she would do anything to be with him again.

the line had blurred, did she want to kill herself-end it all, never swim again, never fly, never feel the warmth of harry’s hugs, the softness of luna’s lips, the familiarity of hermione explaining something to her?

or did she just want him?

ginny didn’t know, the knife was in her hand, a towel on the floor.

what else did she need?

why had she not done it yet?

was she scared?

scared, now after everything that had happened?

no….scared wasn’t the right word.

……..terrified.

she was shaking, that was something she knew.

her hands were shaking so badly, her vision blurring so much that she couldn’t even see the knife, just faint silver and the pale skin of her wrist, lined with self inflicted marks.

she sobbed, and instantly hated herself for it.

they kept coming, her wand was on the other side of the room, she didn’t have enough motivation to go and cast a silencing charm on her room.

besides, no one would care if they heard her.

everything had gotten blurred out, she can’t focus.

she could feel the knife in her hand, the cold blade inches away from assisting her in letting her see fred.

her way to be happy again.

“ginny!”

instantly hands pulled the knife from her and were wrapped around the shaking girl, holding her tighter than ever imagined.

ginny felt their chest rising and falling quickly, her hands were free of the blade, there were more and more footsteps as she cried harder, she can’t see.

she can’t see and her chest is hurting more than when she broke her ribs.

her chest is on fire, more painful then anything she’d ever felt before, and as george held her, muttering one phrase over and over again, ginny regretted ever taking the blade to her skin in the first place.

“i’m not loosing you. i’m not loosing you. i’m not loosing you. i’m not loosing you. i’m not loosing you.”

she couldn’t speek, other footsteps in the room, and a noise of surprise along with a familiar 'dear?’.

mum.

ginny shook her head, yet george held her fast, he wouldn’t let her go through with it.

“ginny, ginny your not going. your not, i won’t let you.”

she was shaking harder, fighting him even more, fighting her mother, fighting herself.

she wanted it.

it hit her now that she did. she desperately wanted it.

she didn’t know why, or when, but she did.

didn’t she?

she was able to open her mouth, and the cold air hit her face-stained with tears.

“i just want to see him again.”

“i know ginny, i know dear….”

she felt her mother’s hands on her, gently laying her back into the bed, and george lay next to her, he wouldn’t leave.

he was here.

ron voice was next, “what’s goi-oh god….”

she didn’t care anymore, she can’t hide the scars forever.

her mother wouldn’t let ron in, he was trying now, she was crying, george was crying, ron was crying, mum was crying, it was all her fault.

“this…..thi-this is all m-my f-f-fault….”

she could hear bill now, and charlie.

“it’s not, please ginny, it’s not your fault. none of this is.”

“i don’t want to be here georgie…..i can’t…..”

someone knelt next to her, gently running a hand over her scared wrist, and george was talking to her, but she couldn’t hear.

she cried into his chest, hours went by, she didn’t eat dinner, she didn’t shower, she didn’t change for bed, she lay there with george, shaking with more sobs and tears than her seventeen year old body had ever known, even during the carrows reign.

i love you freddie.


End file.
